Adopting Adolescents
By Maya Hollingshead, November 2024
While most children are adopted as infants and children, many adoptees are also of adolescent age. Prospective adoptive parents may opt to adopt an adolescent for a variety of reasons, including age matching to their current children and an adolescent’s increased communication capabilities and independence. However, it is important for parents to understand and anticipate the differing needs of adolescent children in comparison to adopting a young child or infant.
Difficulties Associated with Adopting Adolescents
Few studies have been conducted on adopted adolescent populations. Most of the data on adoptees focuses on young children and infants. However, the data that does exist about adopted adolescents demonstrate that they may experience additional behavior problems, attachment issues, and have a more difficult time adjusting than children adopted at a younger age. Adopted adolescents may have a higher likelihood of presenting with insecure-avoidant attachment than nonadopted adolescents, which is often seen in children who have been institutionalized or adopted at an older age (Escobar et al., 2014; Escobar & Santelices, 2013). Teens with insecure avoidant attachment may appear distant and as not desiring comfort from a caregiver. This attachment style can make family bonding more difficult and lead to issues within the adolescent’s future romantic relationships. Additionally, adopted adolescents present with clinically significant symptoms of behavior problems more often than nonadopted children their age (Brodzinsky et al., 1987). Seeking additional help for these behavior problems may be necessary. Lastly, adopted adolescents have a much harder time adjusting behaviorally and emotionally than adopted infants or young children (Sharma et al., 1996).
Positives of Adopting Adolescents
Additional research shows a contrasting view, demonstrating that adopted adolescents do not experience additional hardships in comparison to younger adoptees or nonadopted adolescents. In one study, adolescents who grew up with their biological families were compared with adolescents who grew up with adoptive families. They found that there were no significant differences in behavioral problems (Escobar et al., 2014). Another study found no link between the previous experiences (abuse, neglect, trauma) adolescent adoptees had and their functioning and adjustment, as well as no evidence of school problems, social problems, or externalizing behaviors (Gleitman, & Savaya, 2011). Adopted adolescents may not be more difficult to parent or have a harder time adjusting than younger children. Lastly, adopted adolescents may be able to form healthy attachments with their adoptive parents despite previous insecure forms of attachment (Escobar et al., 2014).
Why Do Such Differences Exist?
The first reason why there might be such differences between adopted adolescents and adopted children is the nature of the developmental period during adolescence. In the adolescent stage of life, the child seeks greater independence, autonomy, and differentiation. They also experience important emotional, cognitive, and behavioral changes that are related to attachment. (Escobar & Santelices, 2013). The nature of adolescence may explain why these children exhibit a higher rate of insecure attachment. Adolescents who have been in an institution often lack a stable parental figure during early developmental periods, forcing them to learn how to be independent and take care of themselves at an abnormally early age (Escobar et al., 2014). Because they have not had to rely on an adult to meet their needs, adopted adolescents may appear distant and prefer to remain self-reliant.
Second, higher rates of behavior problems in adopted adolescents may be due to parent perceptions of abnormal behavior. In one study, they found that mothers of adopted adolescents were more likely to rate their children as having maladaptive behaviors than mothers of unadopted children were (Brodzinsky et al., 1987). Parent perceptions of behavior may be the cause of the apparent increase of behavior problems. The apparent increase in conflict and difficulty parenting adolescent adoptees might stem from the adoptive parents themselves. Parents may feel stress due to feelings of incompetence, a lack of external and internal support systems, reminders of their own relationship with their parents and past trauma, the family’s cultural makeup, and the family’s personal preparedness in understanding the child’s culture (Watson et al., 2012).
Finally, many families blame the issues they are facing on the fact that the child is a teenager and that teenagers are known to be difficult, rather than on the adoption circumstances. Although adolescence naturally will cause tensions in families, these tensions are elevated when pre-adoption circumstances for the child were very adverse (Bañez, 2017). If families respond to tensions based on the assumptions of adolescent rebellion, they will likely increase parental control and supervision, which may lead to a higher risk of conflict (Bañez, 2017).
Helping Your Teen
First, remember that adolescents are likely to seek identity and independence. Understand that it may be difficult for them as they search for their identity because they don’t know much about their biological family. They may experience shame and self-esteem. It is normal for adopted adolescents to want to know information about their background and biological parents. Instead of seeing this as a threat, be willing to answer questions and help them navigate their dual heritage (National Center for Biotechnology Information, 2015).
Second, instead of responding to undesirable behavior with an increase of parental control and supervision, consider negotiating when possible and seeking to increase their autonomy (Bañez, 2017). It may also be helpful to downplay the differences between their culture and the adoptive family’s culture to create unity (Bañez, 2017).
Lastly, it may be necessary to seek outside help. Family interventions and psychoeducation can be very beneficial (Vanderloo & Bettmann, 2019). It is okay to ask for help and recognize you may not be able to do this on your own. There are qualified individuals who are ready and willing to help you and your family.
Helping Yourself
First, involvement in parent support groups can be very beneficial. Individuals who participated in a study about parent support groups for adoptive parents described feelings of increased support from other adoptive parents and felt the increased access to other parents who were knowledgeable about adoptions was helpful (Miller et al., 2014). Participation in groups with other adoptive parents can help parents feel more supported.
Second, it can be helpful to engage in self-reflection. Certain behaviors your teen may engage in may be triggering to you. Looking back at your own childhood and your parent’s parenting style and tactics may help you understand why some behaviors are triggering. More information on this can be found on creatingafamily.org from their “Adopting Older Kids: Things to Consider” podcast.
Third, practice self-care and mindfulness. Parents who practice self-care often tend to report better overall health (Miller et al., 2019). Additionally, parents with higher levels of engagement in mindfulness, psychological flexibility, and self-compassion may experience lower levels of parenting stress (Chorão et al., 2022). For more resources and information on adopting adolescents please view the links below.
References
Bañez, T. (2017). 'All teenagers have problems, whether they’re adopted or not': Discourses on adolescence and adoption among parents of transnationally adopted teens. Qualitative Social Work: Research and Practice, 16(3), 394–410. https://10.1177/1473325015617234
Brodzinsky, D. M., Radice, C., Huffman, L., & Merkler, K. (1987). Prevalence of clinically
significant symptomatology in a nonclinical sample of adopted and nonadopted children. Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, 16(4), 350–356. https://10.1207/s15374424jccp1604_9
Chorão AL, Canavarro MC, Pires R. Explaining Parenting Stress among Adoptive Parents: The Contribution of Mindfulness, Psychological Flexibility, and Self-Compassion. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. 2022; 19(21):14534. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph192114534
Gleitman, I., & Savaya, R. (2011). Adjustment of adolescent adoptees: The role of age of
adoption and exposure to pre-adoption stressors.Children and Youth Services Review, 33(5), 758–766. https://10.1016/j.childyouth.2010.11.020
Escobar, M. J., Pereira, X., & Santelices, M. P. (2014). Behavior problems and attachment in adopted and non-adopted adolescents. Children and Youth Services Review, 42(7), 59–66. https://10.1016/j.childyouth.2014.04.001
Escobar, M. J., & Santelices, M. P. í. (2013). Attachment in adopted adolescents National
adoption in Chile. Children and Youth Services Review, 35(3), 488–492. https://10.1016/j.childyouth.2012.12.011
Miller, J. J., Niu, C., Womack, R., & Shalash, N. (2019). Supporting adoptive parents: A study on personal self-care. Adoption Quarterly, 22(2), 157–171. https://10.1080/10926755.2019.1627451
National Center for Biotechnology Information. (2015). Children’s Attachment: Attachment in Children and Young People Who Are Adopted from Care, in Care or at High Risk of Going into Care. National Library of Medicine. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK356196/
Sharma, A. R., McGue, M. K., & Benson, P. L. (1996). The emotional and behavioral adjustment of United States adopted adolescents: Part II Age at adoption. Children and Youth Services Review, 18(1-2), 101–114. https://10.1016/0190-7409(95)00056-9
Vanderloo, M. J., & Bettmann, J. E. (2019). Working With Adopted Adolescents. In
Evidence-Based Psychotherapy with Adolescents: A Primer for New Clinicians (pp. 229–249). Oxford University Press. https://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=iCy7DwAAQBAJ&oi=fnd&pg=PA229&dq=helping+adopted+adolescents+adjust&ots=eddeCyY3ok&sig=3SchWyuNYW_N00-2q0LVZoD78kI#v=onepage&q=helping%20adopted%20adolescents%20adjust&f=false.
Watson, M. T., Stern, N. M., & Foster, T. W. (2012). Helping Parents and Adoptees Through the Adoption Process Using Group Work. The Family Journal, 20(4), 433-440. https://doi.org/10.1177/1066480712451254
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